We’ve waited too long to get this one out. If you haven’t noticed already, the Zuck is up to something.
And we find the backstory lacking.
Why he’s put in so much effort to freak out small town folk all over America remains a mystery in our book. From Newton Falls, Ohio… to Millinocket, Maine… Homer, Alaska… all the way down to Waco, Texas, there he went.
Of course, we can do little more than speculate. As we’re mostly forced to gather bits and pieces about his journey hither and thither, mostly from Twitter…
Maybe… he’s just trying to find new meaning in his life. Maybe he really cares about America — especially the swing states. And, you know, maybe he just wants to help out his fellow normal human people.
Or, maybe… he’s planning to run for president.
Of Course He’s Not Running. That Would be Absurd… Right?
A few years ago, we might’ve been quick to shrug and laugh away the prospect of a Zuckerberg in the White House.
Today, though, as the world continues its descent down the tongue and into the belly of the whale — as Alex Jones gets a WH Press Pass (so he says, at least)… as Kid Rock guns for a seat at the Senate (does anyone know his real name?)… as The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) is imagining wiling away his days in the Oval Office (and even as the ever-erratic Kanye West has expressed motivation to run in 2020) — we’re not nearly as certain as we once were.
About anything. At all.
Despite Zuck’s best efforts to tell everyone otherwise, we’re not fully convinced he doesn’t dream of being more than just supreme spectator of the private lives of billions. (Three palpable and actually newsworthy reasons why below.)
But let’s make one thing clear, to dissuade us all from getting too hypothetical and lost in the weeds…
After Zuck had dinner with a family of “Trump Democrats” in Ohio, says Business Insider, “the chief spokeswoman for his philanthropic fund instructed the family to tell reporters Zuckerberg wasn’t planning to run for office.”
So, of course, that can only mean one thing.
“He Wants to Be Emperor”
“Increasingly,” Nick Bilton, a correspondent for Vanity Fair wrote earlier this year, “a number of influential people in Silicon Valley seem to think that Mark Zuckerberg will likely run for president of the United States one day. And some people, including myself, believe that he could indeed win. ‘He wants to be emperor’ is a phrase that has become common among people who have known him over the years.”
Apart from his tangential teenage love for world-conquering board games like Risk and video games like Civilization — and his recent penchant for throwing Game of Thrones-style “Dothraki Feasts” — let’s look at other, more tangible, indicators…
“In a Facebook proxy statement published by the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) on Thursday, the company paved the way for Zuckerberg to one day take a ‘voluntary’ leave from his post as CEO and serve ‘in a government position or office.’”
“For someone who insists he has no interest in running for office, Mark Zuckerberg is really, really good at surrounding himself with top political strategists. The latest: Zuckerberg’s philanthropic foundation, the Chan Zuckerberg Initiative, has reportedly hired Joel Benenson, who was the chief strategist for Hillary Clinton’s 2016 presidential campaign.”
“Mark Zuckerberg insists he’s not running for president. But just like your finely tuned privacy settings, things in Facebook Land are never quite what they seem.
“Or so hopes the newly formed super PAC Disrupt for America, whose purpose is to convince the boy king of Silicon Valley not so much to abdicate his throne as to augment it.
“Specifically, the group wants the Zuck to run for president in 2020. Like, really badly. So badly that it has taken upon itself the task of fomenting what has to be the most significantly misguided wave of peer pressure this country has seen in at least six months.”
What, Me Worry?
There are plenty of existential (and otherwise) reasons to worry about a potential Zuckerberg 2020. And there are plenty of reasons not to.
(We’ll get into what a P.C.-kowtowing President Zuckerberg’s agenda would look like, and the subsequent consequences therein, in another missive.)
One thing we can look forward to, though, (aside from all the great memes) is how a Zuckerberg run would continue to expose the circus for what it truly is — the Greatest Show on Earth.
Oh, we can see it now…
Zuckerberg 2020: “Definitely Not a Lizard Person”
Managing editor, Laissez Faire Today
P.S. Have something to say? Say it! Chris@lfb.org.