Naked Samurai: Lessons On Home Protection

LFTEarlier this month, you might recall, I went on a weeklong hiking trip.

(Yes, I’m bringing up the hiking trip again. It’s worth it. Trust me.)

One night, over the small camp stove (it was too wet to build a fire), a friend told a story. It was about one of his crazy friends back in Ohio.

Let me start by saying, unfortunately, I have never met this friend of a friend.

After hearing the story, though, I wish I had. Because I’m pretty sure he’s completely insane. Or a genius. Or both.

And those types are always fun to meet.

Because I have never met this mad genius, I have no way to verify that this story is true. But I trust the friend that told it to me.

So here’s what he said:

The first thing you should know about my buddy’s friend is that he’s a sword nut. An absolute blade buff. A stalwart of the saber.

It doesn’t matter what kind of sword it is. He loves it before you bring it up.

The katana from Japan…


The khopesh from Egypt…


The foils and rapiers of the Renaissance…


The gigantic two-handed claymores and flamberges of the 15-1600s…


… and on.

He has a freakish love for… and an outstanding knowledge of… swords, swords and… yep… swords.

So one night our sword fanatic was home alone. It was late. He was upstairs in the master bedroom, getting ready for bed.

And that’s when he heard it.

There was a crash. Like a window had broken. It sounded like it came from downstairs. He stood still and listened. He heard someone shuffling around.

An intruder, he realized, had just entered his home.

Any normal person would, of course, instantly become fearful and panic. But we’re not talking about a normal person here.

Our friend’s friend… you’re not going to believe this… became excited.

Why? Because he had prepared for this. So much so, he couldn’t wait until some unfortunate fool stepped foot in his house. He knew exactly what he was going to do.

And this is what he did…

First, he immediately undressed. Yes, he got completely naked. I’m not making this up. This is what I’m told.

Then, quickly, he put on a samurai mask he had laying around. And he grabbed two of his favorite swords.

With extreme haste, he burst out of his room making as much noise as possible, clanging the swords together and shouting.

He then stood at the top of the steps. It was good timing, because the intruder had one foot on the first step, about to head up. The naked samurai stood there in all his nude glory.

The intruder was frozen.

The naked samurai flipped on the light.

As my friend told the story, I imagined, for whatever reason, the mask to look like this…

Samurai Helm

So we’re going to run with that.

So the guy is butt-naked (apart from the aforementioned mask above), standing at the top of the stairs, holding two samurai swords — one in each hand.

The intruder was, understandably, caught off guard. He was paralyzed. He just stood there, trying to make sense of what he was seeing. He probably forgot what he was doing there.

That’s when our hero, in a high-pitched shrill, shouted: “FINALLY! SOMEONE WANTS TO PLAY!!!”

And he started stomping down the steps (not recommended while naked in a mask with two swords, by the way).

The intruder couldn’t handle it.

He screamed and darted back toward the broken window. He smacked his head on the top of the window and fell clumsily out. Not breaking his stride, he pulled himself out of the bushes and bolted off like lightning.

Our insane naked samurai probably chuckled to himself as he watched the intruder run for dear life down the street.

It’s safe to say that the trespasser never stepped foot on the naked samurai’s property again. Maybe he even gave up the life of crime. As far as things that’ll make a man reevaluate his life choices, that scenario most certainly must be at the top of the list.

Again, no idea if it’s true. But I trust the source.

Moral of the story? It pays to be prepared. And it can even be hilarious.

Imagine being that guy. He’s now able to tell that story on a first date… or at a dinner party… or at a job interview.

(All jokes aside, he’s lucky the intruder didn’t have a gun. Don’t try this at home. Unless you don’t have a gun. And all you have are swords and a samurai mask. And you’re confident you can pull it off. Then, go for it.)

LFTIt’s important that every responsible citizen knows how to protect his or her family, home and assets from intruders.

Every family needs a plan.

Especially if things become so bad in America (economically, or otherwise) that multiple intrusions become a real concern.

If you think about it now…

What would you do if you were in the naked samurai’s position? We don’t expect you to become excited by the prospect of a trespasser. But what would be your honest reaction?

If you don’t know what you would do in this situation… then it’s time figure it out. (With the help of today’s guest, you’ll be 10,000 steps ahead of most.)

It’s all about gaining the upperhand in these situations. The intruder expects you to be caught off guard. Don’t be. Catch him or her off guard. As Sun Tzu, author of Art of War once wrote, “Emerge to their surprise.”

To help you with this, we’ve invited former CIA Officer Jason Hanson to the show.

Here’s what to expect in today’s episode…

First, Jason is going to explain one of the biggest threats we face in the U.S.

Then, he’s going to show you how to protect your valuables, your home, and most importantly, your family from this threat.

As a bonus, we’re also going to include some DIY ways to hide your valuables. We can guarantee that these sneaky spots will be the last places robbers will check.

Let’s begin…

LFT“One of the biggest threats that we face in the U.S. is an economic collapse,” former CIA Officer Jason Hanson writes in his latest Survival Letter.

“You and I both know that government spending is obscenely out of control and we’re in debt up to our ears. The only reason we haven’t had an economic collapse yet is because the dollar is the world’s reserve currency. This means the U.S. government gets to turn on the printing presses and create dollars out of thin air.

“Other countries don’t have this luxury, which is why over the past several years we’ve seen numerous countries in financial chaos.”

For example, things are so bad in Venezuela right now, Jason says, that “according to news reports, the maximum amount of money a person can get out of an ATM machine is the equivalent of $1.50. And economists say that the inflation rate in Venezuela could hit 200% by the end of the year.

“Hopefully, you and I never experience 200% inflation and we never walk to the ATM machine and find out we’re only allowed to withdraw a $1.50. But because we’ve had a socialist President for the past seven years, we have quickly moved in that direction.

“The problem is, you and I aren’t on the board of Governors of the Federal Reserve and we’re not in the White House. And while we can vote for the person we believe will take this country in the right direction, it’s ultimately up to us to prepare to keep ourselves protected both physically and financially.

“For this, I always recommend having a small amount of cash stored in a fireproof safe (such as a Sentry safe) at home.

“If the dollar collapses, this money won’t be worth much but it’s still a good idea to have some just in case. In addition, have some gold and silver.

“I would get more silver because it’s more affordable and also because it’s in small denominations that gold. In other words, an ounce of silver is worth about $17, whereas an ounce of gold is worth about $1,200. It’ll be much easier to pay people in silver ounces than in gold ounces unless you’re making a big purchase.”

LFTAlso, says Jason, it’s important that you make sure your home is protected from whatever may happen.

“In the past,” Jason writes, “I’ve written about making your home as undesirable as possible to an intruder.

“This includes having an alarm sign in your front and back yard… cameras… motion sensor lights… quality locks on your front door (Schlage or Medeco)… and of course, an actual alarm system in addition to the signs.

“The fact is, no matter how good our security is, none of us live in the White House surrounded by guards 24/7, which means there’s always the possibility of a home invasion. And if you react to a home invasion incorrectly, you or a family member could pay the ultimate price.

“First, it should go without saying that you need to have some way to defend yourself if you hear your front door getting kicked in and you hear people walking through your home.

“My choice of weapon is a gun, which I believe is the best self-defense tool. That’s why I keep a gun (in a rapid access safe) on my nightstand. The current gun I have in the safe is a Sig Sauer P226 with a Viridian flashlight/laser combination.

P226 Hand gun

“But, because you should always have a backup, I have an additional firearm in case something happens to the first one. I also have three flashlights sitting on my nightstand just in case the first one I grab to open the safe doesn’t work (even though I test them often.)

“If you or a family member doesn’t like guns, then you need to choose something else whether it’s a knife, baseball bat, or golf club, but you should be aware that choices like these require you to be very close to the intruder before you can use them and that obviously puts you at risk. You also need to be prepared to react fast with whatever weapon you choose.

“Multiple burglars who’ve been interviewed in prison all say that the first place they go during a burglary is to the master bedroom. This is because they know the bedroom is where people keep their jewelry, money, rare coins, etc.

“So, if you hear your door getting kicked in at 3 a.m. the intruder is mostly likely headed right for you, which means you better get that weapon out quickly and you can’t hesitate in using it. (Do dry runs to test your reaction time and make sure your weapon is easy to access in three seconds or less.)

“But, let’s assume a worst-case home invasion scenario…

“Let’s say that somehow you are completely caught off guard by home intruders and they’ve got your family surrounded in the living room and you’re looking down the wrong end of a gun.

“Human nature will tell you to comply with these intruders and do exactly what they say and they will let you go unharmed.”

Unfortunately, Jason explains, those instincts could get you killed.

“I realize that all of us want to be hopeful and we want to believe the home intruder when he tells us he won’t hurt us as long as we do everything he asks. But remember, a criminal is the one promising you this and after you’ve seen their face for hours they’re going to want to dispose of you rather than risk getting caught.”

That, Jason points out, is “what happened to the Petit family (the horrible Connecticut murders that took place several years ago) where they were held for around 10 hours before the mother and two daughters were killed.

“My point is,” Jason writes, “in a home invasion you do not want to sit there with the criminals and do nothing and take their word that they are only going to ransack the house and then go and leave you be.

“I don’t care if they’ve got a gun on you or if they’re carrying a machete. If you do nothing the chances of you dying when they are done is extremely high. But if you fight back as soon as you can you have the chance of saving your family member’s lives.

“Please take some time to think about this. It’s a mental decision you need to make now that way you don’t question yourself or hesitate if you (heaven forbid) ever find yourself in this position.

“You need to be aggressive, you need to fight back… you should never sit there as an easy victim letting the criminals have their way with you because it will probably cost you your life.”

LFTAnd what about robberies when you aren’t home?

Most robberies take place when the family is out. Meaning, they case the place for days… maybe even weeks before they make their move.

If you don’t hide your valuables well, chances are, if career burglars ever come in your house, they are going to find them.

Or they will rip everything apart trying.

And your house is going to look like this…

Ransacked house

That’s why you need to learn how to think like a burglar…

LFT“Judging from the perspective of the home invaders,” Chris Black writes in the Survivopedia blog, “they have a limited amount of time they can spend searching for your valuables.

“They follow a basic three-point rule when they’re looking for valuable stuff in your place of residence:

ONE: They look for openly displayed valuables.

TWO: They look for the most “interesting” places (storage spaces).

THREE: They take a closer look at other spaces that have the probability of harboring valuables.

“It’s a simple algorithm that maximizes the probability of finding the interesting stuff inside of your residence or place of business in the shortest amount of time.

“Let me share a little psychological trick with you: burglars will always search harder when they fail to discover valuable items. The less they find, the harder they’ll search if they’re convinced that there’s something worth looking for. You can mitigate the damage from a home invasion by planting “freebies” in obvious or easy-to-find places.”

You can use that to your advantage, says Black.

“If the burglar finds something interesting and relatively valuable in the first few minutes of the search, he may very well call off the search party and leave early instead of risking a prolonged, detailed search that could expose the stuff you don’t want him to find in the first place. Because time is an important factor, especially in the case of thieves, he may take the plant and run.

“Another thing to keep in mind: home invaders will concentrate on the usual hiding spots such as toilet tanks, refrigerators, couch cushions, mattresses etc. and they will disregard the boring, dull, uninteresting ones such as bottles of shampoo or toothpaste boxes. A regular home contains hundreds of uninteresting containers, ranging from detergent boxes to sugar packets. It’s very probable that those items will be overlooked.”

Here are three more ideas we found interesting. Feel free to share any of your own at

For small items, consider the cigar tube door safe.

Safe hiding spot within door hinge

Safe hiding spot within door hinge

Interested? Watch the video below:

This next one might sound strange, but it’s probably ridiculously effective for hiding valuables in plain sight.

It’s the head of lettuce safe made by BimBamBanana.

Yes. A safe that looks like a head of lettuce.

Lettuce safe

And here are few more ideas we thought were interesting, courtesy of the Tipnut blog…

  • PANTRY: Store items in food containers to keep in the fridge, pantry or freezer. This only works well if you regularly have a lot of items and containers for them to go through.
  • IRONING BOARD: Pull off the rubber ends on the ironing board leg and voila! a tube for hiding.
  • SPICES AND HERBS: Empty out and wash well, paint glue all over the inside then fill the bottle with spices again. Dump whatever the glue didn’t hold. You want the spice bottle to look like it’s full of spice. Fill the bottle with valuables in a plastic bag once the glue and spices are completely dried.

Have some ideas of your own? Share ‘em:

Until tomorrow,

Chris Campbell

Chris Campbell

Written By Chris Campbell

Chris Campbell is the Managing editor of Laissez Faire Today. Before joining Agora Financial, he was a researcher and contributor to