Game of Groans

  • Game of Groans: Elizabeth Warren Pens Heavy-Handed Game of Thrones Op-Ed
  • Mueller Report #1 Bestselling book on Amazon
  • Ukraine Elects Man Who Plays President on TV President
  • One Last Thing: 36 Millionaires and Billionaires Tell-All

Warren Pens Heavy-Handed Game of Thrones Op-Ed

I can’t believe I have to say this but…

This article about the 2020 presidential election contains spoilers for the first two episodes of Game of Thrones season 8.

Apparently, we’ve already reached the point in the pre-election madness where the candidates start talking about pop culture to let us know how human they are. (Can we Pokémon-GO back to talking about healthcare, please?)

This weekend, while house Dems were poring over the newly released 400-page Mueller report, Elizabeth Warren was writing the Game of Thrones op-ed nobody asked for.

In a gushing piece published in New York Magazine, Warren voiced her 100% support for Daenerys “Stormborn” Targaryen (AKA Khaleesi, AKA the Mother of Dragons, AKA Aunty) and her campaign to take over a magical fantasy land.

“Dany believes fiercely in her right to rule, but she despises what ruling means in the world she’s grown up in,” Warren wrote. “She doesn’t want to be a slave owner or a dictator.”

Cool take, Liz.

Although I have to question the wisdom of comparing yourself to a woman who believes she has the absolute “right to rule” and plans to assume that right with an invading army (and a couple of dragons).

Sounds kind of like a dictator to me.

Jon and Dani

Targaryen – Snow 2020: Dragons, Tyrioncare, and “Family Values”

Warren tries to boil down the epic tale woven over eight seasons of HBO’s Incest Fantasy Hour into an allegory for the 2020 election.

“In the season-eight premiere, our Khaleesi finally arrives at Winterfell with Jon Snow and her army of the Unsullied to ‘save the North,’ not conquer it. She states her mission clearly in season seven: ‘I’m not here to murder. All I want to destroy is the wheel that has rolled over everyone both rich and poor, to the benefit of no one but the Cersei Lannisters of the world.’

“This is a revolutionary idea, in Westeros or anywhere else. A queen who declares that she doesn’t serve the interests of the rich and powerful? A ruler who doesn’t want to control the political system but to break the system as it is known? It’s no wonder that the people she meets in Westeros are skeptical. Skeptical, because they’ve seen another kind of woman on the Iron Throne: the villain we love to hate, Queen Cersei of Casterly Rock.”

Warren sees herself as the Daenerys Targaryen of the story (weird episode to make that comparison, Liz). Incidentally, this would make Donald Trump the Cersei Lannister of the story (they do have the same hair).

But Warren’s cool Game of Thrones analysis is based purely on Dany’s words. Over the course of the show, the Dragon Queen perpetrates violent atrocities, is consistently shown to be a short-tempered hypocrite who believes she has a gods-given right to rule the world.

Even with just four episodes left, it’s entirely possible that Dany will end up the final villain of the story. After all, this is the Game of Thrones, senator. “You either win or die. There is no middle ground.”

I look forward to Liz’s post-finale op-ed. But for now, let’s have a little fun with this. I want you to tell me which politicians are which characters from Game of Thrones and why.

Click here to email me and I’ll feature the best ones in tomorrow’s Reader Comments section.

In tomorrow’s issue of One Last Thing, Bernie Sanders compares himself to Villanelle from Killing Eve.

Mueller Report #1 Bestselling Book on Amazon

Amidst a three-ring, two-year-long media circus, Special Counsel Robert Mueller has somehow managed to stay out of the limelight.

But over the weekend, he blasted his way to the top of the book charts becoming Amazon’s No. 1 bestselling author in the world.

In fact, as of this morning, old Bobby appears three times on Amazon’s top five books for his breakout work The Mueller Report.

That’s right, folks. Despite the fact the report is available online for free, three separate publishers have hastily slapped a cover on it and are hocking it online for between $7.50 and $10.22 (before tax).

Book covers

Hmm. I should definitely check out that book about singing crawdads.

The top spot is currently occupied by The Washington Post’s copy of the report, which is presented with “related materials” from two of its journalists. (Nothing says groundbreaking insight and analysis like “related materials.”)

Skyhorse Publishing is selling the report for $9.20 with an intro by Alan Dershowitz. And Melville House is selling copies of the report with no additional material for $7.50. (Okay. I could have done that.)

The Post’s version of the book (which legitimately got to the top spot fair and square, right Jeff?) is also available as an audio CD for $42.45. FOR A FREE REPORT.

Jeff Bezos’s Money-Printing Trick

This is a classic publishing strategy.

Take something in the public domain, slap a cover on it, and sell it on Amazon with zero input or effort.

In fact, the modern publishing industry is full of tons of these little tricks for making easy money.

Click here to see how anyone can write a short, 28-page book this weekend and make $237.97 per day from it.

I know what you’re thinking.

Twenty-eight pages isn’t a book. It’s basically an article. And usually, the writing and formatting in these books are terrible.

But if you’re writing about the right topic, and have a couple of tricks up your sleeve, you can turn off these books into a real money spinner.

Click here now to find out how to go from blank page to life-changing, income-producing book in under two weeks.

Ukraine Elects Man Who Plays President on TV President

Because the world is insane and there are no rules anymore, Ukraine has elected a president who just an actor who plays the president on TV. (In political science, this is only a few tiers above Dog Mayor.)

Volodymyr Zelensky won this weekend’s election in a landslide victory with 73% of the vote. (Despite the obvious advantage of being an actual politician, the incumbent Petro Poroshenko barely mustered an embarrassing 24%.)

Zelensky is best known as the star of political satire Servant of the People, in which his character accidentally becomes the president of Ukraine.

It’s basically the plot of Dave or King Ralph, where a grossly unqualified person is thrust into the position of power. (Which will also be the plot of the movie adaptation of Zelensky’s presidency.)

Guns Blazing

Having never seen the show, and based off this picture alone, I can tell it’s probably very good.

Zelensky’s campaign was light on discussions of specific policy and instead built off his natural charisma. (I wonder why.)

So nobody has any idea of what kind of president this guy will actually turn out to be.

Zelensky is trained as a lawyer, so at least he’s got a legal foundation to build on. But political analysts worry that he doesn’t have the backbone or background (or back support) to stand up to Vladimir Putin.

In the spirit of the entire world losing its mind, who is a totally underqualified person you’d like to see as president of the United States?

Click here to send me your answers now. (I wouldn’t mind a Dog President. Although a four-year term would technically be 28 dog years and that’s got to break some law.)

wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Clock1.jpg” alt=”Clock icon” />ONE LAST THING36 Millionaires and Billionaires Tell-AllBread. Dough. Clams. Dinero.Money.Some say it’s the root of all evil. Some do terrible things to get it. Others do great things with it.But deep down, everybody wants it. (Or at least, everyone wants the financial security, peace of mind, and cool stuff on Amazon it can buy.)But what does it really take to become truly wealthy in 2019?Two filmmakers wanted to find out. So they tracked down 36 millionaires, multimillionaires, and billionaires… and somehow managed to sit them down and discuss their secrets on film. These folks all took different paths to success. But each and every one of them are self-made. And none of them hold back in these intimate talks.The stories and the lessons in these tapes are fascinating. And for a limited time, all nine episodes are available for free.Watch the Money Revealed trailer and register for your free access before midnight tonight.
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MARKET MOVEMENTS

Closing Data for 4/18/19

 

DJIA$26,559.54↑ 0.42%
S&P Index 500$2,905.03↑ 0.16%
NASDAQ$7,689.72↑ 0.12%
Gold$1,271.90↓ 0.02%
Silver$14.96↑ 0.11%
Bitcoin$5,310.80↑ 1.07%

  • U.S. stocks pull back as we enter the busiest earnings week of the season.
  • Samsung delays rollout of Galaxy Fold smartphone until at least next month after tech reviewers report several malfunctions.
  • Marijuana stocks move further into the green following high demand on the industry’s international holiday, 4/20.

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READER COMMENTS

Click here to send us your comments and tell us what you think. Do you agree with us? Do you think our ideas are stupid? Bring it on. We can take it.

Last week we were discussing the FAAH-OUT gene that nulls pain and gives the user a constant high. I asked if there was a procedure that could give you that gene, would you take it? Almost all of you said… well, take a look:

Yeah, I want drugs in my blood! — Leora W.

Sign me up! — Ann Marie S.

Yes please!!! — Sam H.

Yes send me drugs. — Richard B.

Breakthroughs are made in the space of gene therapy every day. When they crack how to reproduce the FAAH-OUT, you’ll be the first one we let know, Richard. Meanwhile, frequent contributor to our Reader Comments section Jim S. took issue with me trying one of those meatless burgers.

Did I read that right? You ate an Impossible Burger? What an idiot? Why don’t you just put that nondescript pill you saw on the street? Oh? You wouldn’t? But you ate that thing you don’t know is food or not? What an idiot! Hopefully, most people aren’t has stupid as you about what they put into their bodies. Oh wait, they are. No wonder the US life expectancy is going down. Idiots like you don’t eat real food and then they die prematurely. Go figure. Idiot! At least you make me feel healthy and smart! Every straight man needs a sidekick fool. Coming to town soon? — Jim S.

I’m good for a sidekick right now, Jim. But if I were looking, I’m afraid you’d need to be able to read (what with being in the writing business and all). I actually said I tried the Beyond Meat Burger, not the Impossible Burger.

I hate to split hairs, but Beyond’s patties are made with yellow peas. And unlike the Impossible Burger, they’ve been given the green light by the FDA. Still not as good as the real thing, of course. But in the same paragraph, I mentioned that I still eat red meat (and a lot of it).

Don’t worry about it, Jim! Reading is tough and we all make mistakes sometimes.

Cheers,

Shane Ormond
Editor, One Last Thing

Chris Campbell

Written By Shane Ormond

Shane Ormond is the managing editor for One Last Thing. In a previous life, he wrote and edited copy for International Living in Waterford, Ireland.