- Cirque du Soleil Files for Bankruptcy, Briefly Stops Boring People
- Did Anyone Order the Double Pandemic?
- China Clamps Down on Hong Kong With New Law
- The Major Bull Market That No One’s Talking About
Cirque du Soleil Files for Bankruptcy, Briefly Stops Boring People
Cirque du Soleil filed for bankruptcy yesterday, amid growing financial pressure from, you know, all the stuff that’s going on.
(At least, I think it filed for bankruptcy. A sad clown gave a judge wearing a comically large wig an empty sack of money, out of which emerged a scantily clad women in a butterfly costume. Does that make sense? I dunno. I never really “got” Cirque.)
The Montreal-based company (who realized it could charge $120 per ticket if you made circus boring), has struggled to stay afloat amid forced closures caused by the pandemic.
With all of its Vegas shows temporarily suspended, Cirque has laid off 95% of its workforce of nightmarish clowns, ethereal underwater dancers, and guys with a gland thing that make them really big.
“With zero revenue since the forced closure of all of our shows due to COVID-19, the management had to act decisively to protect the company’s future,” Cirque CEO Daniel Lamarre told Reuters, while balancing on a giant egg representing his sexual desire.
I wish I could say this means you’ll never have to pretend to like Cirque du Soleil again. But the company has reportedly signed an agreement with some of its largest investors to begin rebuilding its empire of boring nonsense once the pandemic has passed.
Majority stakeholders TPG Capital, Fosun International, and Canadian pension fund Caisse de depot et placement du Québec have invested $300 million to keep this tradition of boring the ass off kids and adults alike alive and well.
Additionally, these investors will create a $15 million employee fund to provide financial assistance to laid-off acrobats, cat warriors, one-man bands, and guys casually reading the newspaper while on fire.
Only Cirque could make a guy on fire boring.
Cirque will seek protection under Canada’s Companies’ Creditors Arrangement Act and apply for provisional recognition in the United States under Chapter 15.
Reportedly, a small number of Cirque performers stuffing their genitals into skintight leotards for resident shows in Las Vegas and Orlando will not be impacted by the layoffs, as those show are expected to resume boring the pants off tourists any day now.
Did Anyone Order the Double Pandemic?
A new strain of flu with “pandemic potential” has been discovered in China, because it’s not like we’re dealing with enough as it is.
This fun new flu is currently in the awkward teenage phase of a deadly virus. For now, it’s primarily found in pigs, but there have been cases of the infection passing to humans working in the slaughterhouses.
The virus cannot jump from human to human yet, which is when things get really fun and pandemic-y. But researchers say it has “all the hallmarks” of a virus that could mutate to infect humans. (Hold on? Which one are humans again? I know it’s either the long hairy ones or the doughy sad ones.)
Researchers are calling the virus G4 EA H1N1, but if it turns into a pandemic we’re going to have to come up with something catchier than that. (Swine Flu 2: Viral Boogaloo? I dunno. We have time to workshop it.)
Current flu vaccines appear to be ineffective against the virus, though we may be able to adapt whatever we have lying around the lab to this new strain, which would cut down on the time it would take to produce a vaccine.
Prof Kin-Chow Chang, a Professor of Veterinary Molecular Medicine who works at Nottingham University in the UK, warns that just because we have one global crisis doesn’t mean we can ignore potential new pandemics.
“Right now we are distracted with coronavirus and rightly so. But we must not lose sight of potentially dangerous new viruses,” Chang told the BBC.
“While this new virus is not an immediate problem, we should not ignore it.”
China Clamps Down on Hong Kong With New Law
China has passed a new security law that *checks notes* allows them to go into Hong Kong whenever they want to kick people’s asses.
Developed in secret, the law gives China sweeping powers to snuff out free speech, pro-democracy protests, and a vague sense of “Western-ness” in Hong Kong. (We wouldn’t want to mess up that immaculate fascist regime with hot dogs and Transformers, now would we?)
Chinese officials said the law is a “second return” of Hong Kong and will scrub away “a dangerous residue of Western influence and liberal values.” (FYI: I think that “dangerous residue of Western influence” might be BBQ sauce.)
The “We Can Do Whatever We Want” Law allows China to create its own police agencies in Hong Kong, who I’m sure will be very cool and use their all-terrain tanks responsibly. Additionally, it will effectively allow Beijing to appoint judges and define crimes, so don’t be surprised if “making fun of the Chinese national anthem” is technically a murder now.
Even before the law is fully implemented, the effects are being felt on the ground in Hong Kong, where civil rights activists are suspending operations for fear of their lives.
The UK, EU, and Nato all popped their head around the door to say “hey, not cool, China,” after which they swiftly went back to doing nothing about it.
Shortly before we went to print, the Trump administration announced it will cease exporting US defense equipment to Hong Kong following Beijing’s “decision to eviscerate Hong Kong’s freedoms.”
In Other News
ONE LAST THING
The Major Bull Market That No One’s Talking About
By Money & Crisis Editor Graham Summers
Quietly and with little fanfare, gold just hit its highest levels in seven years.
And the precious metal is outperforming stocks dramatically this year. The S&P 500 remains down 6%… gold is UP almost 17%.
Heck, gold is even outperforming TECH stocks by 200% (the NASDAQ is up 8%).
I say “quietly” because you’d think that gold’s outperformance would be getting plenty of attention, but you’d be wrong.
An Under-the-Radar Overachiever
The financial media continues to focus on tech stocks like Apple and Microsoft. It’s almost impossible to find a time where CNBC or other financial media outlets even bother mentioning gold… despite the fact that it’s outperforming the best stock market sector by 200%!
And bear in mind, gold priced in US dollars is actually lagging behind its performance when priced in other currencies. Priced in other major currencies – yen, euros, and francs – gold has already hit all-time highs!
So… what does this mean?
Strategic Investments Only
Gold is in a new major bull market. And that bull market is being fueled by money printing.
Globally central banks have already printed $5 trillion worth of new money in the last three months. And this doesn’t count the trillions more in stimulus money sovereign governments are issuing.
Humanity has used gold as a store of value for 5,000 years. As such, gold is a kind of currency that cannot be printed. So as governments and central banks compete in a game of competitive devaluation with their paper currencies, it’s not surprising that gold is entering a major bull market.
I expect this trend to continue. Which is why gold remains one of the key focuses for subscribers of my Strategic Impact newsletter.
Indeed, I recently told them about a relatively unknown play on gold that gives them broad exposure to a basket of mining companies. And as I write this, it’s showing strength.
To find out what it is and learn more about Strategic Impact… click here now.
Closing Data for Today
|S&P Index 500||3,099.60||↑ 1.52%|
- The New York Times ended its partnership with Apple News yesterday, saying the partnership did not align with its strategy of building direct relationships with paying readers.
- Uber has made a takeover offer to buy Postmates in an effort to expand its food-delivery business as its main business continues to take a hit.
- The Indian government announced a ban on 59 Chinese apps including TikTok.
Editor, One Last Thing